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Ask That Guy Episode 56 (November 4, 2010) see the wall of a bar with various bottles of alcohol. That Guy rises up from behind the bench, dressed in his familiar outfit with a drink in his left hand and his traditional pipe in his right. That Guy: Chip Chip cheerio! Didn't hear you come in. Greetings and welcome to "Ask That Guy with the Glasses." introduction Narrator (always off-screen; questions appear on-screen): Why did you answer "Who framed Roger Rabbit" twice? That Guy: (has only the pipe in his hand; he faces screen left and turns to the camera, taking the pipe out of his mouth) ''That's a very good question, and the answer is: It's such a good question, it '''deserves' to be answered twice! / Why must a question so good only be answered once? / It's like the question: "Why are we here?" One question, but many answers, / which is very similar to "one answer, many questions." / For example: cunnilingus with a chicken. / My, that raises so many questions... / (leans in a bit) ''and all of them randy. / But don't worry. If you're really annoyed by me answering the same question twice, I will do it no more. / '''This' is the word of God. / Yes. Narrator: Who framed Roger Rabbit? That Guy: The Mexicans. / They were just sitting around, having nothing to do; and then, one day, one of them said, "Hey, let's frame Roger Rabbit!" / And the other Mexicans were like, "Si." / Now I know what you're thinking: / How can you frame a group of people for framing somebody else? / Well, perhaps you are forgetting that I am white. / And if you watched any Spike Lee movies, picture of him appears at the top right of the screen then you know I am RACIST against everything, / pic is gone especially the whites. / Lousy honkies. / Butter. Narrator: Why did you say "butter"? That Guy: Because "mustard" was too obvious. Narrator: You know what I mean? That Guy: I certainly do. chuckles and nudges his left elbow to the camera. His chuckling becomes more intense. After a few seconds, the footage is sped up double-time as TG chuckles and eventually starts to laugh and scream, jumping up a down and getting overly giddy. He eventually bows down behind the bar / to him at normal position and speed Actually, no. Narrator: How does Satan celebrate Christmas? That Guy: to right and turn, taking pipe out of mouth Well, remember that scene in The Exorcist where she's masturbating with a cross? / It's nothing like that. / A tree, Christmas carols, the usual. Narrator: Scooby-Dooby-Doo, where are you? "Scooby" who? - ed.: That Guy is about to respond, "Scooby" shouts from beneath the bar as TG looks down to his right OVER HERE!! That Guy: Ah! You see? He was under the bar the whole time! Scooby: Somebody help me! looks down again He's holding me prisoner! He's- looks back up and kicks Scooby underneath the bar OWW!! Oh, my God, I'm bleeding! this point, TG gets mad and proceeds to punch the dog four times; each time, Scooby yelps in pain Our father- gives Scooby three more forceful, pounding punches; Scooby yelps three more times Shaggy, I love you! delivers one last punch, and Scooby cries out for the final time. TG then is a bit out of breath as he emerges from below; once he collects himself, it's back to his normal, jovial self cut of TG about to speak again when he is interrupted... Scrappy: Uncle Scooby? looks off to screen left. He then holds up his right index finger to us as if to say, "One moment." He walks out of shot Hey, pal, what are ya doin'? then hear a cracking-type sound effect, indicated that TG has snapped Scrappy-Doo's neck; another effects follows of Scrappy falling to the ground Narrator: If a dog and a dolphin can learn to get along, why can't our mom and his dad? That Guy: (chuckles) You silly bastard, that's because it's a dog and a dolphin; and they're not human. / You see, humans just have to have human sex; and that's very difficult. / A dog and a dolphin, on the other hand... (looks up with a hearty chuckle) oh-oh-oh! THAT'S a sin against nature... / and the subject of many of my dreams. / Trust me; if you were a dog, you'd be eyeing that blowhole like crazy. / And if you were a dolphin, you'd probably go: / to TG in profile holding his mouth open and sticking out his tongue three times; each time he does, we hear him imitate a dolphin's cry - yeah, it looks very weird / to TG back facing the camera, playfully hopping up and down, clapping his hand and imitating a dolphin for a few more seconds. He suddenly stops and bangs his right fist against the bar counter, as his voice becomes more a cry of desperation ''STOP IT! YOU'RE A GROWN MAN NOW! YOU MUST MOVE BEYOND THAT! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU AND YOUR WAYS! ''(sobs a bit on the counter) / (sniffles) I apologize. (sniffles again) I must now kiss Bill Clinton. walks off screen-left to do just that. NOTE: there are a few seconds of forward-reverse action here "Bill Clinton": Ewww. That Guy: to his post, sniffling There. I'm better now. Narrator: What would happen if you got 666 on a slot machine? That Guy: (looks up and chuckles) Nothing. It'd just be an unbelievable coincidence. / (leans in and gets serious) Now, if your toast landed jelly side down, (yelling) DIABLO!! DIABLO IS NEAR! / He will trap a bunch of people in an elevator, and then he'll pull off this really weak twist of the old woman being the Devil; and then, ALL HELL 'will break loose! / JELLY SIDE DOWN! ''this point, the footage is sped up of him going around in circles behind the bar, reacting wildly JELLY SIDE DOWN! JELLY SIDE DOWN! footage resumes at normal speed as TG holds his head with his left hand, leaning against the bar, trying to get equilibrium back OW! (a few beats pass) A headache. / (back to normal) But slot machines are cool. Narrator: I just burped and tasted egg, and I had egg about 13 hours ago. Why do I still taste egg? That Guy: Well, have you considered that maybe the egg hatched? / He's trying to burrow his way through your stomach, / and the only bit of oxygen he can get is when you burp? / I hope so; because, if you have, you are '''very stupid / and thus would be very easy to control. / Would you like to be my minion? I'll pay you nothing! / And then, we'll get ice cream and punishment. Won't that be nice? / I knew it would be. / I trust we're going to be the best of friends. face changes to one of a somewhat menacing smile, like Jack Nicholson does Narrator: Why can't I have a normal dog like everyone else? That Guy: Because when you dressed up like a ghost for Halloween, you poked several holes in your sheet. / tone here is a bit stilted but forceful Any kind who does that is not going to lead a normal life! / He is doomed to absolute (nodding exaggeratedly) 'not-normalness!' / Get used to it, kid! You will never be normal! Never! NEVAH! / What kind of kid has no hair anyway? You should be ashamed of yourself! / Oh, and here's a word of advice: you're NOT going to kick the football! / (points mouthpiece at camera) Bury yourself! Bury yourself in a grave! / That way, you'll stop being our problem and be the problem of God! / (looking up) And I don't envy him! / (leaning in with his back to screen right; he speaks in a loud, hushed voice) Sssshame on you! (a few beats) Shame! / to him ducking his neck, biting his pipe, and playfully shrugging his shoulders, as if he's done something naughty - uh-huh... Narrator: Can you touch your toes? That Guy: Certainly. sped-up footage, he goes to do so; but he hits his head on the counter. We hear a loud metallic bang, and he falls to the floor / holding both pipe and drink at normal speed This is That Guy with the Glasses saying, "There's no such thing as a stupid question until YOU ask it." takes a drink from his glass, faces the camera, smiles, and then crouches down behind the bar. The music actually carries through to the end of "Moonlight Sonata." After a few seconds, he gets back up, still smiling; but his expression is back to before when he loudly whispers: Shame on you! descends behind the bar again with serious face still in tact THE END Category:Content Category:Guides Category:Transcripts